The Adventures of Kidney Boy

A Journal About Living With End Stage Renal Disease. Dialysis. Transplants. Love. Family. Friends. The Unsung Donor. This is my life, from the end of a needle to the bottom of a pill bottle.

Thursday, May 23, 2013

Just....living.

Wow.

So, I guess I had kind of a moment where I realized I've got a bit of, well, perhaps some kind of post-traumatic stress.  I was trying to recall the year 2008 - and I honestly couldn't recall much of it.  It's very odd - it's like there's a block on my memories.  Very akin to a dark cloud or even a blur.... which is odd for me.  My mind has always been my greatest asset, and it's always been relatively sharp.

And as I probed this in my thoughts, I realized - I have a hard time remember many details from between 2006 to now. 

You know, I can only imagine what other people go through when they survive some kind of ordeal.  There's millions of people who have endured worse than I have, and I can only imagine what it's like inside their head.

I can surmise, based on my own experiences, that it's confusing, scary and definitely stressful.  This is something I think I'm really going to have to work on in the next year.  I put a lot aside to deal with what I had to, and now when I think of the time - I think all the emotions I didn't let myself feel are slowly leaking out.

There's some changes coming in my life - my wife and I are moving into a new home, my business is beginning to take off.... I just hope that I can continue to keep living a life of quality, harmony and happiness.  Because, honestly, there's some dark times in my head - in spite of all the good.  But I do love and believe in the good, and I think that's the first step.

~Steve

1 comment:

  1. I think that when we are stressed we all become Scarlett O'Hara: "I'll think about that tomorrow." My Babygirl's kidney failure diagnosis came right on the heels of my own 4 months of sickness, and I am sure I've mentally blotted out a good bit of that year. I think if I hadn't started blogging I'd have lost all of it! The dark times in our head will need attention when we have the energy to spare for it. In the meantime, try not to let them overwhelm you!
    DeeDee
    www.KidNeedsAKidney.blogspot.com

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