So much has happened, I really don't know where to start with this one. I started this blog years ago to chronicle my thoughts and experiences while on dialysis - I was lucky enough to get a transplant during that time, and after that I wrote for a while about living with the transplant.
Life is so complex; I'm not spinning anything new here with this kind of statement. The mystery of human existence has been expounded on by authors since written language was invented, but I can only express my experiences with it. It's complicated enough when you are a "normal" person without a chronic health issue; add in the things I've got going on inside my body, and it just changes the equation to something approaching befuddlement.
I've been feeling wan for the past couple years, but I figured that was due to the fact that we had two children in as many years, and suddenly I was a full-time parent to two children under the age of two! Add in work woes, declining health just seemed to be part of it all. But the biopsies they decided I needed on my transplanted kidney showed that it was starting to fail.... not reject, like they worry about, but fail. My body was killing this kidney, for some reason. The same unknown reason that my body killed my native kidneys. I'm still having tests done, but the answers aren't clear. What is clear is that this transplant is on its way out, I'm going to be going back on dialysis, I need a new transplant, I am father to two wonderful children, and husband to the most amazing woman in the world.
Years ago, when I was sick and on dialysis, my wife (knowing she matched my blood type), "knew" she was going to be a match and give me a kidney. I refused it at the time, citing the fact that I was young, strong and that we wanted to have children one day. So when this kidney began to fail, she immediately got tested. She ended up being a match. We're working up to scheduling a transplant, but there's still a bunch to do.
And it's a lot for her. I know it is; she is one of the strongest, most determined people in the world. She's held our world on her shoulders for years, like Atlas, she has carried us. She carried me, and now she had the kids... and I feel more like dead weight than ever. I worry about her mental well-being. This is all so much. She is strong, but she is not an endless wellspring of energy.
I wish that it wasn't this way. I wish I wasn't sick like this. But I am. And I'm here. And it's a weight on my family. A Transplant isn't even a cure - there's always the chance it will fail, as has happened to me already! We had seven years with this kidney. It gave us so much... and if I do take hers, will it work? Will things go well? Will my body try to kill this? There's so many factors here.
I don't want to die yet, I don't want to lose my family yet. I don't want to be a footnote in my children's wife. I don't want to be just a memory to my wife. But I have to face the fact that this may be my reality. So I want to leave a good legacy for them. I just hope they know how much I love them. More than any of my silly little words could ever convey.
It's going to be a hard and trying time for my family in the next few months. I hope I make it out clean on the other side, healthy and happy. Then I'm going to do my best to spoil my wife rotten and show her everything she deserves, the most of which is just peace of mind. Then I'm going to hug my children all the time.
It's been my honor to share my moments and thoughts with all you - if there are still readers out there. I hope that maybe something I've said has touched you, or helped you. I'd like to think something I did made a difference somewhere. I'm going to try to remember to live more in the moment, and do my best to be the best person I can be, always.
Life is so complex; I'm not spinning anything new here with this kind of statement. The mystery of human existence has been expounded on by authors since written language was invented, but I can only express my experiences with it. It's complicated enough when you are a "normal" person without a chronic health issue; add in the things I've got going on inside my body, and it just changes the equation to something approaching befuddlement.
I've been feeling wan for the past couple years, but I figured that was due to the fact that we had two children in as many years, and suddenly I was a full-time parent to two children under the age of two! Add in work woes, declining health just seemed to be part of it all. But the biopsies they decided I needed on my transplanted kidney showed that it was starting to fail.... not reject, like they worry about, but fail. My body was killing this kidney, for some reason. The same unknown reason that my body killed my native kidneys. I'm still having tests done, but the answers aren't clear. What is clear is that this transplant is on its way out, I'm going to be going back on dialysis, I need a new transplant, I am father to two wonderful children, and husband to the most amazing woman in the world.
Years ago, when I was sick and on dialysis, my wife (knowing she matched my blood type), "knew" she was going to be a match and give me a kidney. I refused it at the time, citing the fact that I was young, strong and that we wanted to have children one day. So when this kidney began to fail, she immediately got tested. She ended up being a match. We're working up to scheduling a transplant, but there's still a bunch to do.
And it's a lot for her. I know it is; she is one of the strongest, most determined people in the world. She's held our world on her shoulders for years, like Atlas, she has carried us. She carried me, and now she had the kids... and I feel more like dead weight than ever. I worry about her mental well-being. This is all so much. She is strong, but she is not an endless wellspring of energy.
I wish that it wasn't this way. I wish I wasn't sick like this. But I am. And I'm here. And it's a weight on my family. A Transplant isn't even a cure - there's always the chance it will fail, as has happened to me already! We had seven years with this kidney. It gave us so much... and if I do take hers, will it work? Will things go well? Will my body try to kill this? There's so many factors here.
I don't want to die yet, I don't want to lose my family yet. I don't want to be a footnote in my children's wife. I don't want to be just a memory to my wife. But I have to face the fact that this may be my reality. So I want to leave a good legacy for them. I just hope they know how much I love them. More than any of my silly little words could ever convey.
It's going to be a hard and trying time for my family in the next few months. I hope I make it out clean on the other side, healthy and happy. Then I'm going to do my best to spoil my wife rotten and show her everything she deserves, the most of which is just peace of mind. Then I'm going to hug my children all the time.
It's been my honor to share my moments and thoughts with all you - if there are still readers out there. I hope that maybe something I've said has touched you, or helped you. I'd like to think something I did made a difference somewhere. I'm going to try to remember to live more in the moment, and do my best to be the best person I can be, always.
Thank you for sharing your story my friend. I really hope everything goes well for you and for your wife. I would try to focus on the positives - the fact that you've had some amazing children and that you've provided that to your wife too. I would love to have children but my chronic kidney failure is making it very difficult. You have provided them with life and that is such an amazing gift to give.
ReplyDeleteAlso I'd suggest looking into minimalism if you get chance. It made my quality of life (and mainly stress levels) so much better when I went through my first transplant. It's not about living without but more about only having things in your life which provide value to you. For me personally, it made everything much easier to cope with and I'm sure it would take some of the weight off family too. Maybe check out some blogs (https://minimalism.life/frugality-and-the-simpler-life/ and https://www.becomingminimalist.com/why-i-like-owning-less/ are good places to start).
Anyway I wish you all the best.
Oliver.
I have being on blog Sites for a while now and today I felt like I should share my story because I was a victim too. I had HIV for 6 years and i never thought I would ever get a cure I had and this made it impossible for me to get married to the man I was supposed to get married to even after 2 years of relationship he broke up with me when he finds out I was HIV positive. So I got to know about Dr. Itua on Blog Site who treated someone and the person shared a story of how she got a cured and let her contact details, I contacted Dr. Itua and he actually confirmed it and I decided to give a try too and use his herbal medicine that was how my burden ended completely. My son will be 2 soon and I am grateful to God and thankful to his medicine too.Dr Itua Can As Well Cure The Following Disease…Alzheimer’s disease,Bechet’s disease,Crohn’s disease,Parkinson's disease,Schizophrenia,Lung Cancer,Breast Cancer,Colo-Rectal Cancer,Blood Cancer,Prostate Cancer,siva.Fatal Familial Insomnia Factor V Leiden Mutation ,Epilepsy Dupuytren's disease,Desmoplastic small-round-cell tumor Diabetes ,Coeliac disease,Creutzfeldt–Jakob disease,Cerebral Amyloid Angiopathy, Ataxia,Arthritis,Amyotrophic Lateral Scoliosis,Fibromyalgia,Fluoroquinolone Toxicity
ReplyDeleteSyndrome Fibrodysplasia Ossificans ProgresSclerosis,Seizures,Alzheimer's disease,Adrenocortical carcinoma.Asthma,Allergic diseases.Hiv_ Aids,Herpe ,Copd,Glaucoma., Cataracts,Macular degeneration,Cardiovascular disease,Lung disease.Enlarged prostate,Osteoporosis.Alzheimer's disease,
Dementia.Lupus.
,Cushing’s disease,Heart failure,Multiple Sclerosis,Hypertension,Colo_Rectal Cancer,Lyme Disease,Blood Cancer,Brain Cancer,Breast Cancer,Lung Cancer,Kidney Cancer, HIV, Herpes,Hepatitis B, Liver Inflammatory,Diabetes,Fibroid, Get Your Ex Back, If you have (A just reach him on drituaherbalcenter@gmail.com Or Whatsapp Number.+2348149277967)He can also advise you on how to handle some marital's issues. He's a good man.