I first did dialysis in Jan of 2003. Over 17 years ago. How I am as old as I am now, I haven't a clue - it's been a ride. Years of dialysis. Two kidney transplants. Countless other medical problems as a result of my ESRD. I've seen so many doctors, it's unthinkable. Yet, I remain.
I started this journey as a 24 year old kid. A scared kid who soldiered on nonetheless. Now I'm a 42 year old man, father to two children, husband and still that scared kid soldiering on. It's been hard. In October, I'll have been back on dialysis two years. And for two years before that, I had to watch my kidney slowly degenerate and there was nothing we could do about it.
And now... Covid-19. Everytime there's a news report and they say "The most affected are these people..." and I realize that I am in that illustrious catagory. It's scary as hell. I worry about getting it. I worry that if I get it, will I be strong enough to beat it? I've read reports of people seemingly young and healthy contracting it and dying. And I am scared. I try not to be. I soldier on - in these days of isolation and flattening the curve, every other day I go to my dialysis center. I wear a mask, do my treatment and go home. Try to be strong for my kids - sweet, innocent little ones. They're too young to really know what's going on. They do know Daddy goes to dialysis. And their Mother... she works at a hospital. And it's only getting worse. We're not even into the peak of this thing...
I don't know who reads this anymore. Or if anyone does. But I hope we all make it through. And if I don't.... I hope my life was meaningful enough. I don't feel like I've left my full mark and done everything I want to do. But we don't often get to pick that. We just have to do what we can with the time we are given. Stay safe, and be kind to one another. We're all we've got.
I started this journey as a 24 year old kid. A scared kid who soldiered on nonetheless. Now I'm a 42 year old man, father to two children, husband and still that scared kid soldiering on. It's been hard. In October, I'll have been back on dialysis two years. And for two years before that, I had to watch my kidney slowly degenerate and there was nothing we could do about it.
And now... Covid-19. Everytime there's a news report and they say "The most affected are these people..." and I realize that I am in that illustrious catagory. It's scary as hell. I worry about getting it. I worry that if I get it, will I be strong enough to beat it? I've read reports of people seemingly young and healthy contracting it and dying. And I am scared. I try not to be. I soldier on - in these days of isolation and flattening the curve, every other day I go to my dialysis center. I wear a mask, do my treatment and go home. Try to be strong for my kids - sweet, innocent little ones. They're too young to really know what's going on. They do know Daddy goes to dialysis. And their Mother... she works at a hospital. And it's only getting worse. We're not even into the peak of this thing...
I don't know who reads this anymore. Or if anyone does. But I hope we all make it through. And if I don't.... I hope my life was meaningful enough. I don't feel like I've left my full mark and done everything I want to do. But we don't often get to pick that. We just have to do what we can with the time we are given. Stay safe, and be kind to one another. We're all we've got.
I still read this...not on a regular basis, but from time to time. Hi. I'm a stranger from the internet, who had a kidney and pancreas transplant just over a year ago and found you during my research at the beginning of my ESRD journey. You ARE strong. Nobody can have been down the road you've been down without being strong. And though you don't know me, you've helped me immensely during a time when I was scared out of my mind and didn't know who to turn to. Thank you, for that. For showing me that you can still have a positive attitude and a full happy life even with all the shit we have to deal with. Keep being strong! All my best.
ReplyDeleteHey man, keep posting coz I do read all ur blogs. I'm on dialysis since 2003 too. 17years n going on. I'm 31yrs old. My sis and mom are on dialysis too. My dad left us and my mom passed away on Feb 28th. Things are getting worse for myself too. I can hardly walk nowdays. But don't forget, there's always HOPE! KEEP GOING ON STRONG BRO AND KEEP POSTING. Let's be positive and move on!
ReplyDeleteHey guys. I hope you're both doing great. And thanks for the support, seriously.
ReplyDeleteHey! So I was doing my intro DNA/genetics class homework and was learning about polygenetic diseases. I started to get curious as I have chronic kidney disease (even though I currently have a working transplant) and what genes contribute to it. The crazy thing is, my transplant was on February 10th, 2012, not long after yours. I only had dialysis for a few months in middle school before my transplant, but I remember how hard those days were. I'm a bit younger though, still in my early twenties in college. I started looking and ended up here, and I just wanted to say how strong you are. I looked through some of your more recent posts and am wowed by your quiet perseverance. Keep going strong. From one chronic kidney disease person? survivor? endurance specialist? to another, you're amazing.
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