Such a small organ, such big problems.

 Physically, the kidney is kind of small.  It's just one of the miracles of the human body that this little organ is packed with millions of cells that work in tandem with the rest of the systems of our body to achieve homeostasis.  Most people regard having to urinate as an annoyance to their day; a stupid bodily function that disrupts their day.  But it's really a miracle of system efficiency.  It's part of a system that filters the blood, gets rid of wastes and removes excess fluid so your body can function.

When you don't  have kidneys, everything is out of wack and it makes living difficult.  I'm amazed that science came up with dialyzing blood - but even that is only efficient enough to keep people alive; it has to try to do a semblence of what a kidney does 24hrs a day in 4 hours.  It can't come close, but it keeps us alive.

I just hate to know my existence is ruled by the lack of functioning kidneys - those tiny organs. But it's been this way for 17 years. Almost 18 now.  But I hate it, and ultimately it has ruined my life.  I can't say I don't think there are times when I wonder if it would have been better to die in 2002. I've suffered a lot of pain in my life over the last 17 years, both physically and emotionally.  There have been good moments. Great moments. But right now, my life is so crappy I wonder if they've been worth it.  The pain lasts, and the good never stays.