Circling the Drain

 Lately I've begun to feel like I am circling the drain.  The end has always loomed over me large the last 22 years but more and more I get this awful sense that my time is nigh.  I hate it. I'm not ready.  I have more to do, and I need to be here for my kids.  But I'm in so much pain every day. It's becoming harder to function. All my creativity is sapped. I feel like i have no more stories to tell. My can't play my guitar. There's only pain.  My body is wracked with it. Chronic pain is consuming and it's biting the last bits off now.  I only feel semi normal when I take pain medication, and I don't like to do that.  It's becoming almost untenable.  I hope I can fight through this and pull myself up again, but... I dunno.  It's been a long fight. I'm tired. I'm scared. I'm alone. It's hard. Writing these words out makes me feel better because at least I'm acknowledging these thoughts so I can deal with it.  My back hurts.  My feet hurt. My knees hurt. My neck hurts. My arms hurt. My fingers lose more feeling everyday - no normal sensations, only pain.