So.... I had a meeting with the colo-rectal surgeon today.
They can't do anything for me. Surgery on what is ailing me is ineffective.... basically, I have to live with this until it heals itself or it devolves into a full on rectal prolapse. The way they normally treat this? Have you drink lots of fluid and increase fiber. I'm on a fluid restriction because of my kidney disease.
So basically, the only way to treat this is to get me a kidney transplant.
It's all so frustating.
I'm resigned to the fact that I have to live being sick and usless more of the time - but it still sucks, because I have so much ambition in my heart. The mind yearns but the flesh is weak.... sigh. Just another hump for us to get over.
I try and count my blessings, and I have so many - but sometimes, it's hard. And sometimes, like now, I just want to scream. But after the scream, what do I do then? What I always do. Keep moving on.
But for now, I think some light screaming is in order.