The Adventures of Kidney Boy

A Journal About Living With End Stage Renal Disease. Dialysis. Transplants. Love. Family. Friends. The Unsung Donor. This is my life, from the end of a needle to the bottom of a pill bottle.

Wednesday, August 14, 2013

The Weight Problem

Yeah, so, I've gotta really talk about this.

I'm super, super bummed and depressed about how I look.  Yeah.  I gained almost 100lbs post transplant.  And I look, and feel super, super fat.

You know, it's a hard pit to be down it, because it's both physical and mental.  And you know, to change your physical, it requires so much mental power.

I feel like I'm out of mental power right now... I spent so much of my mind on keeping myself alive for years, letting go of THAT a bit I think allowed me to get so big. The comfort in food, the re-enjoyment....

And I'm having a hard time motivating myself to really push myself to lose it.  And that makes me super sad and depressed.

I don't like going out in public, because I don't like the way I look.  I don't like to talk to other people, because I feel like I'm this revolting blob.  My clothes don't fit well, and I hate how I look in normal clothes.

So, yeah, this is me whining and venting.  When I solve this one, I'm sure I'll tell you and be a bit more upbeat.

But right now, I'm just super depressed about it.


~Steve

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