I Don't Know How Some People Do It

 I really don't know how some people just... talk, all the time, to others.  About nothing.  Like, I see people texting - constantly.  And I often wonder what kind of bullshit they're sending to each other. I just don't text that much or often, and find it kind of useless other than sending pertinent information.

But people use it to communicate these days - to live, work, flirt... it's weird.  And I've always been a tech guy and I've been internet chatting since my modem days in the late 80s. But... I don't know. Maybe I'm just old and have run out of things to say.  Or that I'm just not as into bullshitting small talk as I was when I was younger.

I've been through too much shit to do that dance. Finding myself unexpectedly single now at 43... and seeing a lot of my peers experiencing the same thing, I am noticing this odd regressive trend where these people are acting like they did when they were in their 20s.  And it's lame.  If this is how the world at large is working right now, I'd rather be single than have to mess with things like Tinder, Bumble, Hinge, Snapchat, etc. The inane amounts of texting along nauseate me. People nauseate me lately. I don't have much patience or love for some things these days, and that upsets me. I think when dealing with a swirl of emotions, you'll always have periods of different prominent feelings - and right now, anger is very easy with me.  Not on a small, interpersonal level - the people in my life day-to-day are wonderful.  But my anger at a larger sense of life... well, it looms large on me right now.  I'm trying to channel that into positive energies for me - I've been working out more, to strengthen my body again and channel the energy produced by my anger into something that works for me. I have to remember to breathe, and feel my thoughts in the breathe.  And try not to worry so much about others and worry about myself.  But it is remarkably hard when I have to live in this society now, and things happen in my life beyond my wishes or choices.

Basically, I'm sick of your shit. So, I'm going to recover, I'm going to come back stronger in life, and I will do better for myself than I did before.