Yesterday, my parents came over to my house to help me remove and replace some old rugs in my house. My dog, getting up in her years and becoming more obstinate, has made a habit of peeing on rugs in my home and it's only gotten worse lately. I had to get rid of two rugs in my house; my folks came over, and hauled them up and out and helped me get ready to put new ones in. It's a lot of work; I'm trying my best, but between being a single Dad and my health steadily declining, a lot slips by me lately. They help me out a lot - and I cannot tell you how many times I sit alone in my house with my thoughts, and dwell on how thankful I am for my parents. Not everyone has the support system and family that I do, but my parents have really put themselves out to help me and my kids. It's hard on me, emotionally; I wish I was more self-sufficient and less of a burden on people. I want to be the one taking care of people, helping them out... and not taking up the time of people I love. People who are retired and off enjoying their life and time. But they give so freely of themselves, and with love... it fills my own heart when I see how they treat me, and inspires me to try and be the best father I can be to my children.
The joy with which they love their family just make my soul swell. They invited me out to dinner that evening; they were having dinner with my older brother, my sister-in-law and my niece before she left to go back to school for the fall semester. My niece is just a wonderful young lady now, and she's always been special to my heart - she was born just a few weeks before my first kidney transplant, and every time I see her, I am reminded that through the miracles of modern medical science and the love of my family, I have lived long enough with end stage renal disease to witness her birth, and her growing up to become a young woman. I often muse upon the fact that this young lady has never known a world in which I was not deathly ill... but watching her and her sister grow up has been truly one of the greatest gifts of my life. We all had dinner at a local pizzeria last night, many laughs were had and stories were traded. Pictures were shared on phones... it was just a really nice night. Just before we all parted, my mother reached into her purse and got an envelope with a card in it, and I watched her lovingly put it in my nieces hands. She smiled sweetly and said "Just a little something from us for going back to school..." and I was privately a witness to another act of my parents love and generosity for their grand-kids. I've watched them be this way with those girls for their whole lives, and now I watch them be this way with my children... on my drive home, I had tears in my eyes as I thought about how lucky I am, and how lucky my family is. I have wonderful parents who truly love giving to their family, giving of themselves, their time and their genuine affection. There's real love that flow through us all, and so many people do not have that.
I may be facing large odds and difficult situations in life, and I may stress out about being a burden in the lives of the people I love, but I am sure of one thing - I do not lack for love, and honestly, with that, I have been able to endure so many things that cause other people to cast in the towel early. I will continue to fight for a better life for myself, for my kids, for my family. Maybe my fortunes will change, and someday, I can take care of those others in my life who have given so much of themselves for me. For now, I'm going to be thankful that this is where I ended up in this world.
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