Ever since I was diagnosed with ESRD, Winters have been hard on me. It's funny; before I got sick, I was the dude who still wore his cargo shorts in winter. I didn't mind the cold - but with the severe anemia I suffer from, the cold just stops me dead in my tracks. I really tend to hibernate. I don't like to leave the house unless I have to, and I'm usually bundled up in a few blankets around the house!
So I try to use the winter to indulge all the projects I like to do indoors - I've spent some time trying to keep up with my writing, and working on some ideas for short films I want to shoot later in the year. I also run a small independent company that makes video games, so that eats up a lot of my time.
But still, you get cabin fever - especially when you do dialysis in your own home. I'm waiting with such anticipation for the spring and warmer weather.
On the health front, in the next month, I think we're going to start applying to other centers for transplants. I think a fresh start in a new center is what I need. Hopefully we can get the ball rolling on a transplant for me. I desperately need one. It's getting so much harder, day to day - I read stories about people dying while on the waiting list for organs, and I get really scared that I could become one of those statistics. It scares me because I've got so much more living to do - I've got so many things left to do.... I don't want to get off the train while I'm just sitting around, waiting.
I know it sounds morbid, but it is a real fact and concern in my life. I really am one of those people who's waiting for an organ, or I will die. That's a hard fact to live with, but it also motivates the hell out of me to stay alive!