The Adventures of Kidney Boy

A Journal About Living With End Stage Renal Disease. Dialysis. Transplants. Love. Family. Friends. The Unsung Donor. This is my life, from the end of a needle to the bottom of a pill bottle.

Friday, October 28, 2011

I Would Be A Bad Billionaire

I drive my wife in to work every morning.  It's a rather nice ritual; we get to spend some time together, we listen to the radio and chat.  It's one of those things you might think would be a pain, but instead it's one of those little joys that make life bearable. 

Every morning for the past month, I pass a hospital on the way - and every day, parked outside of it along a corridor where many visitors park, I've seen an SUV with writing in the back of it's window.  It proclaims a mother's love for her son's High School Football team.   And every morning, I see it - sometimes on one side of the road, other days it's moved to the other.  But it's been there every day I go by.  And I wonder who she's in there to see, everyday.  I wonder what kind of tragedy has befallen someone she loves, and I think of her travelling to the hospital everyday to see them, early in the morning.  (The team referenced on her car is from quite a ways from Syracuse.)  I think about what she's going through - and I think of the lengths we can go for the ones we love.  How your own well being can be set aside, to be there - to provide support, comfort.... anything.  I don't really know why she's there, but if it's for someone who is badly hurt (as I think it is in my own little head), and my heart bleeds for her.  I wish there was more I could do.

I stopped at the grocery store after dropping my wife off; I was picking up a few things when nature called, so I excused myself to the bathroom.  When I went in, I saw that there was a homeless man in the stall, washing himself up - bags and bags of "stuff" that he was carrying around just laying around.  He looked rough; it was a cold, cold night in Syracuse last night, and I think he was cleaning up and getting warm.  I wished right then I was wealthy enough just to hand him a bunch of bills and simply say "Stay Warm."  I wouldn't care what he did with the money.  There's some out there who'd use it for some not so savory things, but I don't even care.  Whatever misfortune befell this man.... he was out there, living a rougher life than I.  I remembered to be thankful for my warm home, my loving family, my amazing friends, and my incredible wife.

I'd be a bad Billionaire, because I do have a bleeding heart, and I'd be throwing out my money to strangers like it was my job.  I know that's not the right thing to do, but I'd probably end up doing it anyway.  I don't know how some people can be so selfish - I'm not saying give money to bums, but I know people who are selfish towards their friends and family! 

I guess almost dying this year, and getting my miracle gift really made me think about all the things I love about life - the things I'd miss if I were dead.  I don't think dying with a bunch of cash to my name, and a long list of people who hated me would be the way to go.  I'm not monetarily wealthy, but what I do have.... I'm lucky for it.  I can't fault people for their greed, but I do feel sorry for them.  I just wonder if it will be worth it to them when it all ends - and it will all end for all of us someday.  Can you clutch your bank statement when you die, or can you hold the hands of the ones you love?

~Steve

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