The Importance of Being Earnest about Sweets

 I'll never forget my first can of Dr Pepper.

We were visiting my Dad's oldest sister - a place I always remember as a very musical house.  She had three kids, my cousins, who were all a fair bit older than me.  They were all so musical, along with my Aunt. She had the most beautiful voice- I cannot recall all the details of that day, as now I'm of the age where trying to remember childhood memories are encased in a fog as my brain slowly degrades. Lovely, I know... I digress.  But I remember seeing a case of Dr Pepper in her kitchen - a new soda? One I hadn't tried?  I loved soda as a kid; it was a real treat.  We didn't have it often, so I was intrigued by the maroon color and the amazing typeface of the logo.  My obsession with typeface and fonts may have its origins in that old Dr Pepper logo... but I asked her about it.

    "What is that?" I asked, pointing at the case of soda.

    "Oh... that's Dr Pepper! You might not like it," she said with a grin, "It's kind of... spicy!"

    "That's why they call it Dr Pepper!"

    "Oh yeah," she replied mischievously.

    After some more cajoling, she finally gave me a cold can of it from her refrigerator, and popped the top on it.  I took a sip... and while, to me, it did have kind of a kick, it was sweet... and different from anything I'd had before.  I immediately smiled and said, "Whoa! I wanna drink this forever!" She laughed and said, "Yeah, it's pretty good...we like it! Now don't drink too much!"

This is just a tiny memory, based on getting an old sweet from my Aunt in the kitchen of her raised ranch home.  Kind of a banal moment, really, yet it's burned into my brain.  I guess sometimes these moments burrow into your mind, so much so that every time I see that classic Dr Pepper logo, in the big white font on that maroon background, I think of my Aunt.  She passed when I was 16, only a few years older than I am now. I still miss her very much - I often think of what she might have thought of me as I grew, the things I did.  Loving people who have passed from your life is one of the most difficult but amazing things we get in this human experience.  She's been gone for almost 30 years, yet a piece of her lives very vividly inside me.  She probably never thought about that Dr Pepper moment ever, yet it's something that endures.  I try to remember this when I think the things I have done are insignificant. Someone, someday, is going to have that "Dr Pepper" moment with me, and in a way, it keeps me alive long past my traditional existence. 

Lucky in Love

 Yesterday, my parents came over to my house to help me remove and replace some old rugs in my house.  My dog, getting up in her years and becoming more obstinate, has made a habit of peeing on rugs in my home and it's only gotten worse lately.  I had to get rid of two rugs in my house; my folks came over, and hauled them up and out and helped me get ready to put new ones in.  It's a lot of work; I'm trying my best, but between being a single Dad and my health steadily declining, a lot slips by me lately.  They help me out a lot - and I cannot tell you how many times I sit alone in my house with my thoughts, and dwell on how thankful I am for my parents.  Not everyone has the support system and family that I do, but my parents have really put themselves out to help me and my kids.  It's hard on me, emotionally; I wish I was more self-sufficient and less of a burden on people. I want to be the one taking care of people, helping them out... and not taking up the time of people I love.  People who are retired and off enjoying their life and time.  But they give so freely of themselves, and with love... it fills my own heart when I see how they treat me, and inspires me to try and be the best father I can be to my children.

The joy with which they love their family just make my soul swell.  They invited me out to dinner that evening; they were having dinner with my older brother, my sister-in-law and my niece before she left to go back to school for the fall semester.  My niece is just a wonderful young lady now, and she's always been special to my heart - she was born just a few weeks before my first kidney transplant, and every time I see her, I am reminded that through the miracles of modern medical science and the love of my family, I have lived long enough with end stage renal disease to witness her birth, and her growing up to become a young woman.  I often muse upon the fact that this young lady has never known a world in which I was not deathly ill... but watching her and her sister grow up has been truly one of the greatest gifts of my life.  We all had dinner at a local pizzeria last night, many laughs were had and stories were traded.  Pictures were shared on phones... it was just a really nice night.  Just before we all parted, my mother reached into her purse and got an envelope with a card in it, and I watched her lovingly put it in my nieces hands.  She smiled sweetly and said "Just a little something from us for going back to school..." and I was privately a witness to another act of my parents love and generosity for their grand-kids. I've watched them be this way with those girls for their whole lives, and now I watch them be this way with my children... on my drive home, I had tears in my eyes as I thought about how lucky I am, and how lucky my family is.  I have wonderful parents who truly love giving to their family, giving of themselves, their time and their genuine affection.  There's real love that flow through us all, and so many people do not have that.

I may be facing large odds and difficult situations in life, and I may stress out about being a burden in the lives of the people I love, but I am sure of one thing - I do not lack for love, and honestly, with that, I have been able to endure so many things that cause other people to cast in the towel early.  I will continue to fight for a better life for myself, for my kids, for my family.  Maybe my fortunes will change, and someday, I can take care of those others in my life who have given so much of themselves for me.  For now, I'm going to be thankful that this is where I ended up in this world.