Almost 4 weeks ago now on February 20 I took another ride to the hospital in an ambulance. This time it was because when I came home from Dialysis, I tried to get out of the car and walk to the front door of my home and enter, But even using my walker, I could not lift either of my feet to get in the front door. My left leg had become lame a few months before and now my right leg began to become lame. I knew something had to be done. So the kids went off to be with their mom, And I spent the weekend in the hospital. On Monday, their spinal surgeon determined that I Needed surgery On my thoracic spine - t10-13, That it had become too narrow and compressed the nerves, and that was contributing to my legs not working. I had to get a laminectomy and on Tuesday night I had the procedure. They told me it would take some time and rehab to see results. I transferred to a rehab facility in another hospital that way I could do rehab and dialysis at the same place. I’ve been doing occupational therapy and physical therapy for the last three weeks and sadly, I seem to have gained no ground. My left leg is unresponsive to my commands, and my right leg works from my knee below, but from my waist to my knee is weak and will not respond to my commands. It’s a dire Time in my life. Nothing seems to be working right. I can’t even come up with any kind of flowery language too describe my experiences, right now. I feel like this blog entry isn’t my normal kind of thing but right now I’m in so much pain and my legs don’t work, I’ve been away from home for a month, And I miss my kids dearly. My children are the one thing in this world that keep me going. And being away from them, rips my heart out. I’m losing all hope. I think this is the end for me. I will spend the rest of my days as a paraplegic on Dialysis. The life I once knew is gone. I’ve tried so hard for so many years. But every time there seems, I reach a decent place I get thrown down into the pit of hell once again. I don’t know if I will ever walk again. My chances of getting another kidney transplant Are slim. I fear I may have lost this fight. There’s only so much a man can go through and come back from. I fought a good fight and I fought hard. But the forces of this universe Me down and destroy destroyed are too powerful. I really wanna thank everyone. Who’s ever read this, And those who have followed me over the years. I don’t know what my future looks like, But it doesn’t look good. There’s too much to overcome. I wish all of you the best - And I wish you, happiness and health. I wish you long and peaceful lives. My time on this earth Has seen some really amazing highs and some really devastating lows. I’ve had almost 48 years on this planet and I have spent 23 Of those dealing with the consequences of end stage renal disease. It’s almost half my life. Thank you for taking this ride with me. This will probably be my last blog entry for a long time, If ever. I hope that some parts of it may have helped you, Some parts of it may have entertained you, And maybe you learned a couple Things along the way. I know I did. I’m going to continue my fight the best I can, but being honest it doesn’t look good from here. Thank you. Hail and farewell.
~Steve
Once the kidneyboy - forever a KidneyDad
