The Adventures of Kidney Boy

A Journal About Living With End Stage Renal Disease. Dialysis. Transplants. Love. Family. Friends. The Unsung Donor. This is my life, from the end of a needle to the bottom of a pill bottle.

Tuesday, March 8, 2022

This means everything

 Every weekday, I get to walk my daughter to the bus to school.  She's in Pre-K and attends the afternoon session, so just before noon every day, I get her ready for school.  We get her shoes on, find her jacket and bookbag, and get ready to go out.  The bus picks her up right at the end of our driveway, but I look forward to that short trek every day.  She didn't start out the year riding the bus; she was scared and shy, so for half the year, I drove her into school every day.  Then one day she came home, and said she was feeling brave and wanted to try riding the bus. She's been getting on ever since - it's been a real joy to watch her grow and do this.  We walk out to the bus; I hold her hand, and she usually hums or sings a little tune.  She loves her music.  We get to the end of the drive, and this is where I leave her to climb onto the stairs of the bus herself. But not without a big hug, every day, without fail. She throws her little arms around me - I kiss the top of her head and I tell her I love her and I hope she has a great day.  She climbs aboard, and the driver helps her to her seat.  She always asks me, "Make sure to wave to me!" as if I would ever forget to linger and not wave to my little girl.  I see her little head poke up from under the bus window and her hand waving vigorously as the buss turns the corner.  I always watch it go away and wave right back to her.  I love this routine - I'm only too aware of how fleeting this moment is.  In a blink to me, this will be gone, and she'll be scooting off to school by herself, absorbed in her own little life.  Years will go by in a flash to me, and she'll be so tall. There won't be the big hug in front of the bus, but I'll always remember. I am just so beyond thankful that I'm here for these moments now. I'm so thankful I get the opportunity to have these moments with my children.  Not everyone gets these blessings - and I know I've been through a lot, I have survived so much just to have such an amazing experience as this. It means everything to me.  It's why I've endured, it's why I've survived.  It's the reason why I've been through every rough hurdle I've had thrown at me, and it's because of the miracle of modern medicine and the tenacity and intelligence of doctors, nurses and many others that let me be here to feel this absolute magic and love in my heart.  I know this moment will end, but it'll live forever in my heart. And it's worth more than anything else I've ever had in this lifetime.

I watch the bus drive off, and I turn around to head back inside. It's cold out now, the wind whips at me, chilling me to the bone.  But somehow I am still warmer than I've ever been in my life.

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