At the point I'm existing in now, I suppose I'm just trying to get by. I have good days and bad days; some days, I am so tired and beat it's amazing. Other days, I'm full of energy, optimism and go get 'em. But even on those days, I run out of steam pretty quick. I'm trying to conserve energy and put it where it belongs the most: into my wife and kids. It can get pretty hard out there, living with a chronic disease, so you have to pick and choose where you place your attention. Which can suck, because you can end up ignoring or putting other things you care about on a back burner. It's just the only way you can get by.
On my bad days, I fee like I'm walking around in a mental fog; I usually feel like I'm pretty sharp and aware of things, but when my mental fog is on, I have trouble recalling the simplest of facts... even words escape me, and sometimes I just blather nonsense words to fill in the gap. It drives my wife crazy sometimes, because I'll speak gibberish until my brain can find the right word it wants. It's a weird habit, I admit.
I've changed my diet a bit, and I've lost a bunch of weight - this has helped me, I think. I feel less slugish based on what I eat, and I'm trying to take any advantage I get.
I hope I can continue this line of self improvement after the transplant; I'd like to not gain weight again, like last time. I'd like to continue to lose weight and get into shape. I'd like to be able to play with my children more and do more active things with them.
Sometimes I worry that it's too late; maybe my cards are up. But at this point, I want to at least try - I want to live my life like I am going to live 30-40 more years, and I want those years to be well. I've spent most of my adult life sick and out of shape. It's time for that change.
So, I'm getting by now, but in the future, I don't want to just get by - I want to be living that old proverbial best life. Maybe I'm on the right path now. Maybe medical technology will improve by leaps and bounds in my life and someday I can regrow my own kidney. I have to have hope. I've lived and survived 15 years of this with my hope, and the love and support of my friends and family. I hope my hope lasts and their goodwill towards me endures.
On my bad days, I fee like I'm walking around in a mental fog; I usually feel like I'm pretty sharp and aware of things, but when my mental fog is on, I have trouble recalling the simplest of facts... even words escape me, and sometimes I just blather nonsense words to fill in the gap. It drives my wife crazy sometimes, because I'll speak gibberish until my brain can find the right word it wants. It's a weird habit, I admit.
I've changed my diet a bit, and I've lost a bunch of weight - this has helped me, I think. I feel less slugish based on what I eat, and I'm trying to take any advantage I get.
I hope I can continue this line of self improvement after the transplant; I'd like to not gain weight again, like last time. I'd like to continue to lose weight and get into shape. I'd like to be able to play with my children more and do more active things with them.
Sometimes I worry that it's too late; maybe my cards are up. But at this point, I want to at least try - I want to live my life like I am going to live 30-40 more years, and I want those years to be well. I've spent most of my adult life sick and out of shape. It's time for that change.
So, I'm getting by now, but in the future, I don't want to just get by - I want to be living that old proverbial best life. Maybe I'm on the right path now. Maybe medical technology will improve by leaps and bounds in my life and someday I can regrow my own kidney. I have to have hope. I've lived and survived 15 years of this with my hope, and the love and support of my friends and family. I hope my hope lasts and their goodwill towards me endures.
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